


All My Pennies in a Barrel

by busaikko



Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Bisexual Character, Born Female, Community: non_mcsmooch, F/F, Female Characters, Lesbian Character, female Sheppard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-04
Updated: 2010-06-04
Packaged: 2017-10-09 21:56:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/92019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/busaikko/pseuds/busaikko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They both agree that they can't do this again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All My Pennies in a Barrel

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this story is the song San Francisco by Cordelia's Dad.

  
**If you're going  
to San Francisco  
Please say hello to a girl I know**   


* * *

Sam accidentally slept with Virginia Sheppard when Sheppard returned to Atlantis from her father's funeral. Sam went to her room to see how she was feeling, because that was what she would have done for any of her other female friends. Sheppard wasn't her friend, though. She mentored Sam in her command and filled in all the background on how Pegasus politics and the Atlantis expedition really worked, but they never interacted socially.

Sheppard didn't seem that surprised to see Sam, though, and let her in, thanking her solemnly for her condolences. She had beer in her mini-fridge and changed the topic after the conversation about human-form replicators left them both with heads full of bad memories. Sheppard asked about Zelenka's feasibility study on waste heat recovery for the shield emitters; Sam thought this was a really pathetic grasping at straws, but as she got into the difficulties of setting up cogeneration systems, and the various theories about why the Ancients hadn't, Sheppard kept interspersing intelligent questions with things like _in space, there are no Kyoto protocols_, while finishing off one beer and starting on another. It made Sam wonder yet again if all the city-saving ideas credited to McKay had really been his. Whether Sheppard, of all people, played the dumb girl about how much she understood, for tactical advantage.

The evening turned into night, and at some point all the beer was gone. Sam didn't remember which one of them made the first move; she suspects it was something cheesy, like the classic 'you're too drunk to walk back to your quarters, we're both adults, we can share the bed.' Over the years, Sam had come to accept her bisexuality, and her libido skyrocketed when perimenopause hit, but sex these days was just her and her Magic Wand. She appreciated looking at Sheppard -- _everyone_ looked at Sheppard -- but she didn't remember ever deciding that sex would be a good idea.

She did remember waking up and staring at a framed photograph of Sheppard at age ten or so, hair in painful-looking pigtails, grinning ear to ear next to --

"Is that Evel Knievel?" Sam asked, too loudly, making her own head throb.

Sheppard made a grumble of protest and pulled the pillow even further down over her face. "He told me a man always keeps his word." Sheppard sighed. "I know I'm a fuckup, but my responsibilities mean something to me."

Sam rolled over onto her other side so she was facing Sheppard. "This is a one-time thing. I'm not going to call it a mistake, but -- "

"We can't do this again."

"Yes," Sam said.

Sheppard nodded, and there was never any change in her behavior towards Sam afterwards. They still weren't friends, exactly, but Sheppard told Sam she could call her Jinny or Jin like her team did, _just never Virginia, okay_. When Sam was relieved of her command, Sheppard sent her an e-mail full of vicarious anger. _Of course they want a man for the job_ she wrote; _I probably screwed that up for you._ Sheppard had told Ellis that most of their Pegasus allies -- the Athosians, the Travelers, the Wraith -- thought Tau'ri society was female-led, just like they were, and that the expedition would be damaged by questioning Sam's leadership the way he had Elizabeth's. _I kind of hoped we'd get Jackson. He wouldn't be kept on anyone's leash. Woolsey's going to be. . . interesting._

Sam sent Sheppard a care package on the Daedalus, even though she knew that Sheppard would be recovered from surgery by the time it arrived. It had been hard to figure out what Sheppard would like; chocolate was good, because it could be traded, but she didn't see Sheppard appreciating home-spa products or chick-lit books. Sam finally grabbed a few physics journals from her bookshelf and a couple of motorcycle magazines, and sent several gigabytes of Cosmos episodes downloaded from iTunes.

The next time she saw Sheppard was when the Wraith attacked Earth. Sheppard walked into the SGC like she owned the place, demanded nukes and F302s, and nearly killed herself bringing down the hive ship. Sam was furious with her, and terrified, and she buried that whole emotional maelstrom deep under the calm she needed for command. She promised herself that she could shake later. Maybe yell.

Landry returned with a permanently sour expression as he took charge of the SGC and the ongoing investigation of high-level Goa'uld interference in the Area 51 disaster, and Sam was granted permission to bring two research teams to Atlantis. But too many days had passed; Sam's anger had dissipated, leaving her restless and unfocused. She concentrated on getting her job done. She had no problems with being professional and doing hard, dirty work. But when Zelenka turned half the lab lights out and announced that it had been fun, _go away, see you tomorrow_ and even McKay looked at the time and blanched. . . then Sam said her good-nights and started for the transporter, not up for any after-hours socializing.

She found herself at Sheppard's door and knocked before she could talk herself out of it.

The door swished open on Sheppard saying, "Go _away_, Rodney." Sam raised her hand and smiled, embarrassed and feeling awkward. "Oh, hey," Sheppard said, and stepped aside so Sam could come in. Which Sam did.

Sheppard was wearing ratty sweatpants that barely hung on her hips and a black t-shirt with a panda bear on the front. Her hair was damp, but already poking up into spikes as it dried.

"I heard you were here," Sheppard said, grimacing in apology. "I've been dealing with the IOA circus and showing our shiny to diplomats and bigwigs." She waved over at the tension pole that served as her closet and her service dress uniform hanging there. "You want something?" She gave her fridge a backhand wave. "I'm hoarding foods I never even realized I liked. Cheddar cheese?"

"I ate," Sam said, trying not to smile. Sheppard avoided most clichéd female behaviors, except for always trying to feed her people. "With Rodney and Radek. Sushi." She crossed her arms and made herself look Sheppard in the eye. "I just wanted to say -- "

Sheppard held up a hand, her expression closing off. "Are you next in line for chewing my ass?"

"No." Sam shook her head and too a couple of steps, putting herself right in Sheppard's personal space. "No." She put one hand right at the back of Sheppard's neck, fingertips sliding up from velvet stubble at her nape into the mess of Sheppard's hair. She had to lean up to press her mouth to Sheppard's, and she shut her eyes, letting Sheppard's body heat and breath tell her that she was _alive, alive, still alive_.

When Sam pulled back and opened her eyes, Sheppard's lips were parted and she looked angry, like she was being asked to make a leap of faith.

Sam shrugged, just a little, resting her arm on Sheppard's shoulder and keeping her fingers curled against her scalp. "I failed you, and you almost died," Sam said. "You asked me to deliver your last words. There were things I wanted you to know, but -- " She took a breath, but let the sentence die there.

"Not over the radio?" Sheppard suggested after a moment. "This is still a bad idea."

"Yes," Sam said. Sheppard ducked her head to hide a smile, one hand coming up to rest at Sam's waist.

"Pity fuck?" Sheppard asked; she sounded relaxed, amused, her voice a little rough with what Sam hoped was arousal.

Sam tightened her fingers in Sheppard's hair and tugged. Sheppard's eyes darkened and her breath hitched; Sam made a mental note that she _liked_ it. "_Glad we're both still alive_ fuck. _The world didn't end on my watch_ fuck."

"Oh, _that_ kind of fuck," and Sheppard was using her hand to hold Sam still while she nudged her thigh between Sam's legs, pressing up, rubbing a little, getting the good friction going.

"Tomorrow morning," Sam said, quickly, before she went all breathless, "we're going to agree not to do this again. I'm going to be on the _George Hammond_ in a couple of weeks. You're going back to Pegasus."

"But," Sheppard said, and she slid her hand down under the waistband of Sam's trousers and the elastic of her panties, scratching her hip a little with her blunt nails.

Sam had a thing for being scratched, and she couldn't help jerking her hips forward, even though she knew Sheppard was probably making mental notes of her own.

"When we meet again," Sam said, and Sheppard understood all the nuances of _that_.

She ducked her head, kissing Sam rough and wet, because there were no promises that could be made, and their loyalties were not to each other. Sam hoped she would see Sheppard again. But tonight they were both alive and the world wasn't ending, and if that was all Sam had, then she chose to make this mistake and not regret it.

"Let's get naked," Sheppard said, moving her mouth down Sam's neck decisively, biting but not hard enough to mark. And Sam thought that being unmarked was a metaphor for who they were, women married to their jobs, women who were lucky to still be alive; but she wasn't going to discuss that now, not when she was pulling Sheppard's shirt up and Sheppard was fighting the buttons on Sam's BDUs for better access. Maybe she'd tell Sheppard tomorrow morning.

Or maybe next time.

:. :. :. :. :. :.  
**And tell her for me  
I'm saving all my pennies  
in a barrel by the basement stairwell**

**And someday we'll see  
when all the bails are paid for  
we'll roll the barrel down to the airport**

**and buy her a ticket back home.**  
.: .: .: .: .: .:


End file.
